Goldilocks
by domina tempore
Summary: Sometimes recovery is the hardest part. Sometimes being house-bound and dependent and stressed takes its toll. Castle finds out what these things do to Beckett. Post-Knockdown.


**Castle:** _Goldilocks_

_Disclaimer: Castle and its characters, locations, etc. don't belong to me…but my original ideas do. People who work on Castle: if you're poking around in the fanfiction world (which I've heard that you do), I'm for hire!_

_Author's Note: First and foremost, I must just point out that I despise the new format of this site. I was perfectly comfortable with the old on and I'd sorta like it back :p._

_*ahem* _

_This fic was inspired…mostly by my friend Jay, and a certain pic of Stana that she sent me. And a little bit by my own coping mechanism. Whenever I get really stressed/angry/worried, I change my hair. I've never done anything nearly as drastic as I wrote here, but it's something that I identified with; and then the bunnies ran away with me :p. I hope you like it! _

_Dedication: Obviously, to my friend Jay. I honestly never would have finished this without you. *smish of DOOM!*_

*~_**o**0**o**_~*

Rick knocked on the door to Kate's apartment, and bounced with nervous energy on his heels as he waited for her to let him in. He could hear her inside, shuffling towards the door. _She's moving slowly_, he noted out of habit. _But the doctors said that that would be normal. Of course it would be; she's only been out of the hospital for a couple of weeks. She's still recovering. I wonder if anyone else has been over to check on her yet today –_ The sound of the lock turning brought him out of the worried mother-hen mindset that he was working himself into, and he took a deep breath and tried to look normal as she opened the door.

Castle felt his jaw drop when he saw her. He stared for a few moments, his mouth opening and closing like a fish as he searched for something to say. He was not expecting this. "Kate…" he stammered. "I… I wasn't…. I mean, you…"

Kate rolled her eyes. "Spit it out, Castle," she sighed tiredly.

"Your _hair_," he managed.

Beckett reached up self-consciously to touch her head, like she wasn't quite used to it herself. "Yeah. What about it?"

"It's _short_," he pointed out. "And yellow."

"Yeah, it is."

Did she not understand the element of shock in this? "When I was here yesterday morning, your hair was long and wavy and brown." He gestured vaguely to her head. "When did this happen?"

"Last night. Lanie came over and helped me."

"But your hair was so beautiful before; why?"

Kate shrugged uncomfortably. "I felt like I needed a change. Are you gonna come in, or what?" She opened the door wider and gestured for him to come through. Rick obeyed, but he felt a little like he was in a dream. Not that cutting your hair or changing the color was something uncommon or frightening, normally; people did it all the time. There was nothing wrong with dying your hair… But this was _Beckett_. He wondered why that made the change so much more shocking.

Beckett closed and locked the door behind him, then hobbled towards her refrigerator. "So, what kind of brain-torture did you bring with you this time?" she asked, trying to sound light and normal. "More sting movies? Or are we doing dramatic readings this week?"

"Kate, why did you change your hair?"

"Do you want something to drink? Between you and Lanie and my dad I'm sure I've got something in here…"

"You're avoiding the question."

"It's not a big deal. Do you want coffee instead?"

"Yes, it is a big deal; and I wish you wouldn't try to push me away like that.'

"Castle, please. Let it go."

"…I can't," he said, still trying to figure out why. Kate let out a frustrated groan and turned away. In three strides, Castle had met her, and he took her arms and turned her gently to face him. She refused to meet his eyes. "Why can't you just tell me?"

"I already told you, it's not a big deal. If you don't like it, then fine. I'll wear a hat for you or something. You don't have to overreact about it."

"No, that's not what I meant!" Castle winced. "It's not that I don't like it; I do, you look great! It was just a shock. But do you know what I think is bothering me?" He took a deep breath and silently prayed that he would say something coherent. "It's not the fact that you changed your hair; it's what it represents. Through everything that you and I have been through together these past few years, you have always been...solid. You never backed down; you were the one constant in my constantly shifting world. No matter what the situation or obstacle – and no matter how much I teased you – you would always be _there_; the same crazy strong, beautiful, unshakeable woman that you've always been. I may not have always _known _you; but I knew who you were...and now I'm afraid that woman is changing, and maybe you don't even realize that it's happening. Do you still know who you are, Kate?"

To Rick's surprise, Beckett began to cry. For half a second he stood frozen in horror, watching tears making shiny tracks as they slipped down her face.

_Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no…_ He mentally kicked himself as he pulled her into a hug and rested his cheek against her blonde head. A small part of his brain registered that she still smelled like cherries; but the majority of him was focused on trying to fix whatever damage he had just caused. Perhaps this had been the wrong time to push at her for answers, but he hadn't thought that he would make her _cry_.

"You're right," she mumbled suddenly into his shirt.

He understood her perfectly in spite of her sobs though. "Shh, no I wasn't. I was just talking to hear myself speak, as usual. You know I tend to do that sometimes. But I didn't mean to make you cry, I don't know what I was even saying. I'm sorry…"

"No, you're right," she repeated. "I don't know who I am anymore. Up until now, everything has been so crazy with my life; but at least I understood it! But now I'm stuck _here_, limping around my apartment because the doctors say I'm too weak to do anything else yet, and they're right. I'm losing the grip on my mother's killer again, because I can't _do_ anything. I'm not out there with my team. The Captain is _dead_, and the city already replaced him…and everything is falling apart, Castle. I have no idea what's going on anymore. I…I'm so confused and so tired and I just want to know what I'm supposed to do now. But nothing is the same anymore."

"Oh, Kate…" Castle held her closer, and pressed a kiss to her hair. He didn't even know what to say to her in response to her confession; for once, the writer was utterly without words. She had always known what had to be done before, even if it was the most difficult thing in the world for her. The fact that neither of them could figure it out now scared him more than he would readily admit.

"What am I supposed to do, Rick?" she begged, sobbing into his chest. "Please, tell me what I'm supposed to do."

"I don't know," he told her honestly. "But we'll figure it out, okay? I promise that I'll be here for you. We'll re-learn our lives together, Goldilocks."

The new nickname earned him small laugh amid her tears. "Oh, great! That's how it's gonna be now?" she asked, looking up at him.

"What? I think it's cute." He pushed a chin-length strand of hair behind her ear as he searched for something to say that would distract her, make her laugh again. "Besides, the color really works for it."

She shoved him gently in the chest. "Stop it! It's bad enough that you looked like a dying frog when you first saw it; now you're making fun of it too?" She sniffed, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "At least this I can control." So _that_ was it. Maybe she hadn't changed as much as she had thought, after all. He pretended not to hear the whisper, though, for her sake.

"But I'm not making fun of it! I really, really like it."

"If I'm Goldilocks, then you're Mama Bear."

Castle snorted. "Mama Bear?" he repeated. "Oh please, that's childish."

"More childish than Goldilocks?" Kate raised an eyebrow as he nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes! I mean, come on! I'm Papa Bear at least. Or the Big Bad Wolf, maybe?"

"Keep talking and I'm changing it to Baby Bear," she threatened, shaking her head fondly as she turned away, limping towards her couch.

"Oh!" Castle bounced slightly as he followed her into the livingroom. "Can that be Ryan?"

_fin._

*~_**o**0**o**_~*

_A/N: …if anyone is interested, here's a pic from my tumblr with Stana's hair exactly the way I'm picturing it in this fic… http : / theapplejackal. tumblr. com/post/6030310150/its-not-like-weve-never-had-a-short-haired (just take out the extra spaces I put in) . Also, there *might* be more goldilocks!beckett fics somewhere in the future…but don't quote me on that._

_Thanks for reading, and much love!_


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